I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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