So drunk its hurt
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am one with the molecules
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize