get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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