i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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