made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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