I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
