Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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