I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
