your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
