so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
