she woke up with a sticky ear
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
