um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Let's get the cat blown out
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
