dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
