The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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