i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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