I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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