I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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