we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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