I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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