Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my sisters under your porch take her home
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
