You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize