I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
