We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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