wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
