her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
