I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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