I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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