At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just high enough for therapy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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