she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize