dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
