just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
