Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
