You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
