New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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