I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize