It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize