when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
