I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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