i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
