help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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