dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
