i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize