I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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