hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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