He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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