Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
