Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
