o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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