So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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