you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
