Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My cat gives me a boner
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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