i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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