i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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