Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
