If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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