Whod you bang
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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