I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
