GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize