Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize