I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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