I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
