Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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