butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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