How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
