After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
