Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
