So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
