I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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