If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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