I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
