I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
